The Pitch: RoboCop meets Gleaming the Cube
Price of Admission: $3.00
When: July 5, 1991 at 4:45 pm
My Age: 10
Quote: Did you call moi a dipshit? - John Connor
T2 - my oldest ticket stub. I remember that summer playing Terminator around my neighborhood. I wore sunglasses (with mirrors on the sides courtesy of Raisin Bran), a shiny silver pleather jacket, and tucked my hand into my coat while holding a strange kitchen utensil as my mechanical Terminator arm. In the midst of my latency/autonomy stage, my buddy and I would venture around the neighborhood to escape my parents' supervision. He hadn't seen the movie, so unfortunately, he didn't dress the part or walk down the street like a robot. Thus, putting the task of being completely awesome all on this 10-year-old cyborg's pleather shoulders.
T2 had it all: Witty, hard-ass one-liners, breakthrough SFX, the fat guy on the motorcycle Arnold stunt double, and dutifully reclaiming Thorogood's Bad to the Bone from the Problem Child movies.
The brief synopsis of T2. Arnold's butt. Robert Patrick's butt. Sarah Connor pull-ups then face-licking. John's stepdad milk carton stabbing. Dyson's creepy last breaths. Judgement Day postponed for a later sequel.
The movie predicted August 29th, 1997 to be Judgement Day, when the robots would take over and bring about the apocalypse. In hindsight, the summer of 1997 wasn't marked by Skynet's cyborg assault, but rather by the fitter, happier ok computers of Radiohead.
The character of John Connor is fast becoming the Rusty Griswold of sci-fi cinema. Christian Bale has been announced to be JC in the next installment, some no-name takes on John in Fox's sure to be short-lived The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Nick Stahl played him in T3, but I think Eddie Furlong will always be the best Connor. His puberty shrieks. His friendship with Budnick of Salute Your Shorts and a boobless Nikki Cox. His ATM hacking skills. His mastery of the Spanish language.
The Complete Rusty Griswolds and John Connors
In compiling this collage of Rustys and Johns, I discovered that the Rusty Griswold from Christmas Vacation (top, 2nd from right) is Darlene from Roseanne's boyfriend, David. Incidentally, he sat two rows in front of me at a screening of Stanley Kubrick's Barry Lyndon back in May of 2007. I just thought that's the dude from Roseanne. Now he's the dude from Roseanne and Rusty Griswold.
Robert Patrick's portrayal of the T-1000 shows how a one-note performance can be quite frightening. One can almost imagine Javier Bardem studying Patrick's soulless, determined portrayal while prepping the role of Chigurh for No Country for Old Men.
T2 also has the distinction of having one of my favorite Guns 'n Roses songs and subsequent music video tie-ins. You Could Be Mine is what cyborg testosterone would sound like. The video has Arnold hunting GnR through, where else, but a seedy Sunset Strip club. As he catches up with them in the club's back alley his assessment of terminating W. Axl Rose is that it would be a waste of ammo. Somehow, he sensed the rearranged letters of ORAL SEX would not pose a threat to the Connors or any Chinese Democrats.
Up Next: Too Legit for Cousin Itt.
